Pride
When I was young, I decided I wanted to work with children. Specifically children with disabilities. My inspiration was my amazing cousin Rachel. I adored her and wanted to help children like her. I had been babysitting forever and had always loved kids.
My trajectory was unknown to me, as I initially went to college to be a child psychologist. That lasted about a week when I realized just how long I would have to go to school to do that. Nope. That wasn't going to happen.
I settled on teaching Special Education. It was a 5 year program, after all, and I would graduate with a Master's Degree. Score!
Dad always supported my decisions, but this one I think he was pretty proud of. I didn't know just how proud until he died. He sent me a letter. In the letter, he told me about how he was so proud that I decided to work with kids with disabilities and that I went on and did it.
The crazy part for me was that I hadn't actually been doing it for about 13 years at that time. I worked a grand total career of 3.5 years before "retiring" to stay home with my kids. Some career, huh? Granted, during that 3.5 years I had some events that would change my vision of teaching. I lost a special student in my first year to a rare disease, went through a divorce after a short, tumultuous marriage, found my real love in a hot cop and got remarried, pregnant, and moved to a new school district. That was the end of it. Losing Edwin was the turn in my career that really shook me to my core. I had a hard time trusting the system, the administrators, the laws, all of education. But I also saw some major successes while working with my babies. I had a 4th grade non reader, that went up 2 grade levels in reading in that first year because I fought for her. I had multiple students with emotional disabilities learn to trust and then find their academic success. I taught kids hygiene, which gave them some pride in themselves. Was this all success found on a test? Nope. Most wasn't. But, when that student who was a struggling reader finds you on Facebook over 17 years later and is a successful mother and wife? That is success to me.
I am about to undertake my biggest job since leaving the teaching biz as a certified teacher. I will be teaching 2nd grade in a long term substitute position. Yes, I will be responsible for a full sized classroom of 2nd graders. Not a small class of no more than 10 students with disabilities. I was extremely apprehensive when the job was offered. So many questions ran through my mind. Can I work full time? Will I do what these students need? Am I capable of teaching a full class of 2nd graders? Every single day? Do I even remember how to teach children? Oh my Lord, isn't there someone else that is better qualified???
Welp, I decided that despite my misgivings, that yes, this was what I wanted to do. It is a great team of teachers to work with and I trust that they will support me through this. And furthermore, I am one damn great teacher. I may not know all the current terminology, all the new programs, even all the kids' names, but I sure know how to love them, encourage them, and help them grow.
In my decision making, I was looking to my Dad for help. He always gave me honest advice. It was hard not having him physically here to talk me through it. This time, I know what he would have said, and I could almost hear him talking to me, encouraging me, reminding me who I am, and telling me how proud he is. My mom and I often talk about how he was always such a strong sounding board and that it is hard not having that (Mom, you are an awesome sounding board for me and you helped me reach all of these conclusions! Thank you!).
Thanks, Dad, for always encouraging me to be the best me I can be. You always know the right words to tell me. And you always have.
Now, on to 2nd grade!
My trajectory was unknown to me, as I initially went to college to be a child psychologist. That lasted about a week when I realized just how long I would have to go to school to do that. Nope. That wasn't going to happen.
I settled on teaching Special Education. It was a 5 year program, after all, and I would graduate with a Master's Degree. Score!
Dad always supported my decisions, but this one I think he was pretty proud of. I didn't know just how proud until he died. He sent me a letter. In the letter, he told me about how he was so proud that I decided to work with kids with disabilities and that I went on and did it.
The crazy part for me was that I hadn't actually been doing it for about 13 years at that time. I worked a grand total career of 3.5 years before "retiring" to stay home with my kids. Some career, huh? Granted, during that 3.5 years I had some events that would change my vision of teaching. I lost a special student in my first year to a rare disease, went through a divorce after a short, tumultuous marriage, found my real love in a hot cop and got remarried, pregnant, and moved to a new school district. That was the end of it. Losing Edwin was the turn in my career that really shook me to my core. I had a hard time trusting the system, the administrators, the laws, all of education. But I also saw some major successes while working with my babies. I had a 4th grade non reader, that went up 2 grade levels in reading in that first year because I fought for her. I had multiple students with emotional disabilities learn to trust and then find their academic success. I taught kids hygiene, which gave them some pride in themselves. Was this all success found on a test? Nope. Most wasn't. But, when that student who was a struggling reader finds you on Facebook over 17 years later and is a successful mother and wife? That is success to me.
I am about to undertake my biggest job since leaving the teaching biz as a certified teacher. I will be teaching 2nd grade in a long term substitute position. Yes, I will be responsible for a full sized classroom of 2nd graders. Not a small class of no more than 10 students with disabilities. I was extremely apprehensive when the job was offered. So many questions ran through my mind. Can I work full time? Will I do what these students need? Am I capable of teaching a full class of 2nd graders? Every single day? Do I even remember how to teach children? Oh my Lord, isn't there someone else that is better qualified???
Welp, I decided that despite my misgivings, that yes, this was what I wanted to do. It is a great team of teachers to work with and I trust that they will support me through this. And furthermore, I am one damn great teacher. I may not know all the current terminology, all the new programs, even all the kids' names, but I sure know how to love them, encourage them, and help them grow.
In my decision making, I was looking to my Dad for help. He always gave me honest advice. It was hard not having him physically here to talk me through it. This time, I know what he would have said, and I could almost hear him talking to me, encouraging me, reminding me who I am, and telling me how proud he is. My mom and I often talk about how he was always such a strong sounding board and that it is hard not having that (Mom, you are an awesome sounding board for me and you helped me reach all of these conclusions! Thank you!).
Thanks, Dad, for always encouraging me to be the best me I can be. You always know the right words to tell me. And you always have.
Now, on to 2nd grade!
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