Constant Memories



Yesterday Riley and I drove to my mother in law's house to visit. On the almost hour long drive, Riley was pensive. Normally, she would pass out in the back seat and I would be left with my radio sounds and my thoughts, but this time, she began talking.

"I miss Grandad."

It always starts this way.

"He is in my heart. Do you miss him, Mommy?"

"Yes, I miss him all the time. You guys spent a lot of time together. Remember what you used to do?"

"We used to watch Mickey videos together! And Daddy Finger, and Baby shark..."




It occurred to me that her 3 years of memories of this vibrant, active, wonderful man were limited to him being tied to an oxygen machine and sitting in a chair and watching videos together. Granted, there were many more that I have of the two of them, but her capacity to remember is limited to those. The most significant part of this conversation for me is the realization that for her, these memories are sacred. And, they are enough for her. Enough.

















Why is it not enough for me that she had these special times? I am so thankful that our lives led us back here when they did so that we could have those years together, but damn it, I still feel cheated on her behalf.















Listening to her talk about this, I realized that leaning on the memories doesn't depend on how vast they are or how long you had them. It only matters that you have some and that they are significant. Thank you, Riley, for reminding me how lucky we were to have moments. And may they always bring smiles, even when accompanied by tears.

Van Morrison sings a song about memories that has been running through my head. Have a listen:

https://youtu.be/C9yTWQneA9I

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